Astoreth does Ferelden Part 1: The Circle
by Natmonkey
Summary: Follow Astoreth Amell as she traipses through Ferelden and shares her thoughts and wonders. In this instalment: the mage origin, in which our heroine has a serious need of a certain thing.
1. An Explosion of Frustration

_First attempt at a long story. I did an overhaul of the arrangements of chapters and overall composition of this; the content is exactly the same._

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I feel ready to go completely insane. Here I am, twenty years old and still a virgin, sleeping in a room with more than thirty other apprentice mages. Privacy is scarce here with all of us packed into these bunk beds, let me tell you. I've been in this tower for as long as I can remember with no memories of any other place. All I have is this silver necklace with a tear-shaped garnet for a pendant. Nobody knows whose it used to be, but I fancy it belonged to my mother. And of course there's Mister Muffin, the stuffed little bear I've had since forever. After many, many years of hugging there's not much left of him. I used to bring him to class, but a few years ago other apprentices began giving me funny looks and I realised it was too childish, bringing my bear with me.

My studies are beginning to bother me too. By now I know bloody well how to cast Winter's Grasp, thank you very much. Tome after tome and instruction after instruction… And to top it all off, I've been as horny as an old goat for the past couple of months. No matter how often I touch myself before going to sleep (as quietly as possible of course, although I suspect the girl in the bed above mine suspects something) this feeling just won't go away.

Some years ago I discovered this little button between my legs and found out that if I stroke it long enough, it will give me this extremely pleasant feeling that starts right there and then fans throughout my body like a tidal wave. From the talks of the birds and the bees the senior instructors gave, I know that this feeling is called an orgasm and my button a clitoris. But I don't like using these words. They sound so cold, sterile. I mean, vagina doesn't sound like a body part, it sounds like some kind of medicine. Anyway, all the orgasms in the world couldn't help me feel any better. I even have this candle under my pillow which I sometimes use to… Well, simulate actual sex with. Often I get so hot inside the thing almost melts. It's nice and all, but I bet it cannot compare to lying in someone's arms and feeling their warmth. Maker's breath, am I ever ready for a man's touch!

I wonder what it's like, you know? I've never actually seen a naked man, only drawings of them in some of the books here. They look… interesting. Very, very interesting. Time and time again have I begged Jowan to please, please, _please_ sleep with me just once, and let me know what it feels like. He's my friend, so I trust him with such a thing. Surely not that much would change between us, right? But no, he declined and he apparently fell in love with someone, thoroughly ruining my chances. I haven't met her yet, and frankly I'm beginning to doubt she doesn't just live in his mind. Ah, well.

Love is another thing I wonder about. How would that feel? Whispered tales of some of the girls around here suggest it must be something grand indeed. A fabulous feeling, but with some side-effects such as a rapid heartbeat, your stomach twisting into knots, butterflies, lightness in the head… Actually some aspects of it sound like symptoms of a mysterious illness, if you think about it. So far I haven't had the privilege of suffering from it.

"Hi Astoreth!" And there we have Daniela, cheerful as always. I envy her. She always looks so happy, despite our joyless surroundings. And so pretty too, with her short golden hair and blue eyes. Not that I'm ugly, but I just don't feel all that pretty. Apart from Jowan Daniela's my only friend here, the only girl who can stand to put up with my quirks. All the others just think I'm weird. And well, they're right.

"Hi Danny. How are you?"

She gives me a big grin. "I have some juicy gossip for you…" she says, wiggling her eyebrows.

I can't help but grin back. That girl knows about everything that happens around here. "Do tell."

"I heard that Cullen is in love with you." Her voice is a whisper, although there isn't anyone around. I dig around in my mind. Right, that templar. Tall, broad (although that could just be the armour), hair the colour of copper, brown eyes and a nice smile. I especially like the gentle tone of his voice. Other than that I don't know much about him, except that he usually looks nervous around me. And here I've always thought he was just scared. I like him though, he's cute. This one time I even offered him some candy, but he didn't want any.

"You don't say…" I rub my chin. An interesting development. Naughty thoughts creep into my mind, all of them revolving around a certain unclad templar. The male mages are a scrawny lot, more used to training their minds rather than their bodies. I like my men with a little more meat on them. And by meat I mean muscle. Now, templars on the other hand, spend a lot of time in physical training. But sadly the Circle and the Chantry are forbidden to have relations with one another, if you get my meaning. Not that this stops any of us from fantasizing from time to time.

"You are a very lucky girl. You know, sometimes I just want to rip off his armour and…" Her voice trails off. We simultaneously utter a long sigh, caught up in our own little fantasies.

"Do you think it's true?" I would prefer to be completely sure. Getting turned down doesn't sound all that pleasant and neither does getting reported to the Chantry for being very naughty.

Daniela shrugs. "You see the way he gets around you. That can only mean one thing. So, what are you going to do about it?" She wiggles her eyebrows again, a habit I find charming and amusing.

"What do you think I'm going to do?" Now it's my turn to wiggle my eyebrows. "Although, I've never kissed a man. Gah, I don't even know how to seduce one. And don't forget it's forbidden for us mages to get involved with the templars." Suddenly I feel rather desperate. Surely I will die a withered old virgin.

"Now now, no need to fret. Forbidden fruit can taste so much sweeter, don't you think? Besides, I can help you with some of that." For some reason, my friend has a naughty smile on her face as she comes closer.

"Oh, do you have some…" Experience with that I wanted to ask, but before I could, she'd already pressed her lips to mine. I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Too shocked to tear myself away from her, in fact. Not that I want to. Her lips are soft and taste like cherries. Must be that lip balm she makes for herself. Not really the way I'd imagined my first kiss to be, but it's pleasant. And then her tongue slips into my mouth, Maker's breath, I've never felt anything like this in my life. As soon as it touches mine, it's like this jolt of electricity shoots through me. And I know how that feels, since I got zapped during practice once. So technically I have felt something similar before but thankfully, this doesn't hurt at all. Quite the contrary. After a few minutes of our tongues playing with one another, we let go. Daniela's giggling.

"Well, that was… unexpected." I blink a couple of times and swallow. My throat feels dry.

"Just see it as training. A little gift from me to you." She smiles and winks. I'm so glad this won't affect our friendship. I need awkwardness between the only person I can spend hours talking about shoes with and me like I need an arrow between the eyes.

"I appreciate that, thank you. So if I were to initiate it…" This time I kiss her, pouring as much feeling into it as I possibly can. I imagine that makes it feel better. Nobody wants to suck face with a statue, now do they? When I let go of her, she looks surprised.

"Very good! You're a natural." Daniela looks a bit smug, probably proud she got to teach me something, and gives me two thumbs up.

"I'm still not sure about this. What if we get caught? I mean, maybe they'll even make me tranquil." I fail in suppressing a shudder. The Tranquil are without emotion, unable to dream. Of course that would mean this lust wouldn't bother me anymore, but I happen to like experiencing dreams and emotions, even the bad ones. They just make life worth living.

"Nothing will happen if you're sneaky enough about it. And think of the alternative…" She giggles. "Why, you might even blow up our lovely tower in an explosion of frustration."

Very true. Lately I've become more and more agitated. Well… Anything to preserve the Circle, right? "So what should I wear? All I have are these robes." I look down. They look nice enough with the shades of blue and purple we apprentices are required to wear, but they lack a certain appeal. After all, I'm covered from my ankles to my chin.

"The robes are just fine. They show off your figure nicely. All you should do is…" I feel her hands unhook my robes to just above my breasts. Strange how exposing just a small portion of skin can make one feel so bare. "And would you get rid of that boring bun of yours already?" She rolls her eyes at me. I feel offended. Can I help it if I'm practical?

"NO!" I will most certainly not get rid of it. I am as attached to it as it is to me.

"Fine, fine. Suit yourself then. By the way, I hear your templar is on guard duty in our very own quarters. Tonight, around midnight." Again her eyebrows wiggle.

"He's not _my_ templar. Not yet anyway." My face must look rather silly right now, a wide grin plastered to it. Ah, the things I could do with him. I don't rightly know what _exactly_, but I'm sure I will make it up as I go. That is, if he wants me. Then something hits me. "Where does one get privacy around here? I can't just drag him to my bed and let all the others listen in on our activities, now can I?" Curse this tower and its quarters crammed full of apprentices!

"And if you're very, very quiet?" Daniela's lips curve upward into a wicked smile. "Must be exciting, feeling all that pleasure and not being able to scream it out." Well, she does have a point there. That sounds exciting indeed. I would certainly give it a shot if there wasn't so much at stake. Suddenly Danny snaps her fingers. "I know! In the library, there's a quiet corner just behind a bookcase. I can assure you there's more than enough room for two and the library's abandoned at night. I even left some pillows and blankets to make it comfortable." Now that sounds nice; being surrounded by old tomes and soft pillows, making love for the first time. I approve! With that problem solved, the poor girl looks almost envious of me.

"Wouldn't _you_ rather have him?" I'm hoping she'll say no. Please say no. Her eyes widen in surprise and she starts laughing.

"Did you get hit in the head? If the man's in love with you, he'll certainly not want anything to do with me. And it's no matter; there are plenty of boys who would give their right arm for some of my affection." She smiles and sighs, a dreamy look in her eyes. That's another reason I envy this girl. Not just because she's so popular, but she's apparently got a great deal of experience with men. Still, she doesn't kiss and tell, ever. Andraste knows I've asked her about it many, many times. I hope I can be as discrete. "Well, I better get going. I have a date," Daniela says with a big smile. I feel slightly jealous.

"Have fun then. Tell me all about it later."

She laughs. "You know I never do. Bye!" And with that, she's off. Lucky, lucky girl.

I sit in front of the vanity and look at my face in the mirror. I suppose I don't look too bad, with these big brown eyes and full lips. My hair is black with a blue lustre. Jowan, in a poetic mood induced by copious amounts of wine, once likened it to a raven's wing. Despite all that wine, he still wouldn't sleep with me though. Instead he just cuddled up to me and fell asleep in my bed, snoring into my ear. Maybe my nose is a bit on the large side, but I shouldn't complain. It could be so much worse, after all. But what is wrong with my bun? I look at my bear sitting next to the mirror.

"What do _you_ think, Mister Muffin?" Of course he doesn't answer. My talking to an inanimate object is one of the reasons I don't have too many friends. Well, at least _I_ think I look nice like this. And surely Cullen does too, so there. Take that, Danny! Fortunately I have no more lessons to distract me so I can get all nervous about tonight. Lovely.


	2. Seduction of the Innocent

_A big thank you to all reviewers. _

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It's dark. My heart is racing in my chest, terrible. I spent hours playing with myself, stroking my button to orgasm six times and thrusting the candle between my wet nether lips. It's rather annoying how I can't make any noise in here; all I can do is open my mouth and pray no sound comes out. So far my prayers have not been in vain. I'm so wet now I can almost feel droplets running down the insides of my thighs. Every fibre of my body seems to be tense and aroused. I cannot take this anymore. I swear, if I do not get Cullen to lay with me tonight I _will_ burn this place down.

Everyone else is sound asleep (for as far as I can tell anyway) and I can hear the clatter of heavy armour outside the doors and voices briefly talking. One of them is the one I've been waiting for. It's almost time for me to make my appearance. Soon I hear one pair of heavy feet walking away and I quietly get out of bed. I put on my robes, keeping them unhooked from my neck to just above my breasts. Aw, I'll just open another few hooks, I'm sure that won't hurt. There.

My shoeless feet make no sound on the stone floor as I silently open the door and step out. There he is, his back turned towards me. Maker, what am I supposed to say? Clearly I should've thought this through a little better. It feels as if all of the blood in my body has rushed to my face, surely leaving me to look as red as a poppy. Oh dear, he must've heard me because he's turning around. Should I run? Ah, too late.

As soon as he sees me, the poor man goes beetroot. His eyes have this fearful look, even as they leave my face and briefly glance a short distance lower. "Oh, uhm, h-hello," he stutters. "Y-you should be in bed at this time." Yes, with you.

"Good evening." I try to make my voice sound seductive but I'm too nervous. Gah, this is more difficult than I thought. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd just come over and keep you company."

"I… I see. But surely you need your rest?" Heh, it's so cute to see him fidget like this. It doesn't feel like this is going anywhere though, so I might as well just get straight to the point.

"Trust me, there's something I need more than rest." I had never thought I would ever say anything so suggestive out loud.

"What might that be?" Cullen asks me in a slightly curious tone of voice. I really wonder what he's hiding under that armour. But Maker willing I will find out tonight. Or blow up this tower.

"You." There, sweet and simple. Huh, would you look at that. I didn't think he could become any redder, but there it is. Amazing.

"M-me? My goodness. You don't mean…" I can tell from the gasping and clutching at his heart that he knows full well what I mean. Andraste's mercy, I hope the poor thing won't suffer a heart attack.

"I heard you're in love with me, even. Is it true?" If it's not, I'm going to hold off on blowing up the place until after I've set Daniela's hair on fire.

Apparently words fail him. "I… I…" is all he can choke out before he falls silent and begins staring at his feet. I can barely hear what he says next. "Maker forgive me, but yes… It's true."

Now I'm at a loss for words. I can't truly say I feel the same, because I don't. I think. Suddenly he looks me straight in the eye. It's as if he feels ashamed of what he just told me. That probably has something to do with the whole Chantry versus Circle thing. Either that, or I'm really hideous. Surely it must be the former. I hope it is.

"But it would be… really inappropriate and… I couldn't." He looks poised to run off. "I-I should go." Well now, that went rather badly. But, in for a silver, in for a crown as they say. I grab a hold of the sash around his waist and give it a sharp yank as he turns to leave. I'm lucky it's tied properly, or I would have acquired a sash I don't have any use for, instead of an entire man I surely have a use for. He must be too scared to resist, because with my poor strength he could still easily give me the go-by. Instead he stays frozen and stares at me in horror. I move closer to him, still holding the sash in my hand.

"Don't be afraid." My voice comes out in a whisper as I curve my free arm around his shoulder. My fingers stroke through the hair at the nape of his neck. It's so soft. All of a sudden I feel the urge to calm him down, make him feel at ease. Before even I know what's going on I close the distance between us and stand on my toes to touch my lips to his mouth. It feels good, but in my mind I know this is wrong. He's right, this is really inappropriate. I'm a mage and he's a templar; he should be making sure I behave, not enable me to do... this. So as much as it pains me, I let go of him and take a step back. "I'm so sorry, Cullen. I…"

I don't even get a chance to finish my sentence as his metal-clad arms encircle my waist and once again pull me closer to him, his mouth on mine. The metal of his breastplate is cold against my bared chest, but it doesn't bother me. The tenderness of his kiss lights a fire in my belly and the warmth spreads through my entire body. Well, if this is wrong I don't… never mind, that's too cliché, even for me. Kissing Danny felt nice, but this… This is out of this world. One of his hands creeps up my back while his tongue gently caresses mine. _This_ is how I'd imagined my first kiss, sweet and exciting. And I will count it as such too. Like my dear friend said, that with her was just training.

The hand on my back goes higher, caressing the back of my neck. His other hand is now resting on my bum, giving it a squeeze from time to time. Clearly he doesn't find it inappropriate anymore. And you know what, neither do I. I need this. I should have the opportunity, nay, the very right to experience this!

The fire in my stomach grows as he detaches his mouth from mine and his lips trail down my neck, making me moan involuntarily. I could probably climax from this alone. Then I realise that there are give or take thirty mages sleeping on the other side of the wall. The walls here are thick, yes, but someone is bound to notice eventually.

"Hold on a moment." I gently push him away from me. Immediately my body feels cold and empty, as if something is missing. From the almost sad look on Cullen's face I can tell he must feel the same. "Maybe we should continue this elsewhere."

The sad look on his face is replaced by a bright smile. "Lead on," he says. I grab his hand and guide him to the library. It's difficult not to break into a sprint, but somehow I manage to restrain myself. It's easy to find the corner Daniela mentioned, if you know what to look for. Behind a book case (filled with books on biology, ha-ha) a thick blanket is spread over the cold stones, several large pillows strewn across it. Another blanket lies neatly folded to the side. Through the window the small area is bathed in moonlight. Wow, it's pretty much a picture that would be placed next to the definition of "romantic" in an illustrated dictionary.

From behind Cullen wraps his arms around my waist again and gives me a little kiss below the ear. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispers to me. Sure, _me_? I wasn't the one stammering about this being inappropriate, ready to run away. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but this change of heart makes me a bit wary.

"Are _you_? What made you change your mind?" It better not be demonic possession or something equally unpleasant.

"I suspect I'll wake up any moment now, hugging my pillow, frustrated." His voice sounds dreamy. I know what he means. Erotic dreams bother me too from time to time, although the males there are usually faceless and anonymous. Oh no, this isn't a dream is it? Waking up from those is the worst.

"I'll pinch you if you pinch me." It was just a joke, which I thought was obvious, but he pinches my cheek. Really, really hard. "Ow! Are you crazy? I was only joking." I rub the painful spot. Someday, I will have my revenge for this. When he least expects it.

"I-I'm sorry." He grabs me by the shoulders and turns me around. How sweet, he looks truly concerned for me. "Did I hurt you?" he asks, worry in his voice. Oh, this should be good. Revenge shall be mine!

I sniffle a little and say in a pout: "Yes, you did." I realise it's manipulative to play the guilt card like this, but my cheek is burning like you wouldn't know. And the look on his face is so worth it. I'm such an evil, evil person.

"Please don't be angry with me." Oh, great. Now _I_ feel guilty. Poor thing sounds so sad, just look at those puppy eyes. Not that I've ever seen a real puppy, but in the pictures I've seen of them they often have these huge, pitiful eyes. Well, that one sure came back to bite me in the bum.

"Of course I'm not angry with you. Just next time, try to be gentle." Or don't pinch me at all, that would work for me too. I shouldn't whine though, it's my own fault for making a stupid joke like that. I run my fingers through his hair and feel its softness. Mmm, I could just do this all day long. He bends down and kisses my cheek, exactly where he hurt me not a moment ago. The burning immediately fades to a dull throbbing. Well, what do you know? You can _really_ kiss something better. "Thank you. If you would take off your armour, I could thank you properly…" I briefly brush my lips against his and wink. This seduction thing is getting easier and easier. His blush turns a deeper shade of red.

"I-I, uhm…" Again with the stuttering and fidgeting. I swear, we could go on like this until daybreak and still get no further.

"Allow me to be blunt with you. Life is short, you know? The way I see it, we can both walk away right now and wonder for the rest of our lives what could've been, or we just do what our hearts tell us to." Or in my case, what my private parts tell me to. Maker's breath, am I dripping wet right now. Although I have to admit, being around this man evokes certain unknown feelings in me. He's just so… I don't know. Cute? Sweet? Either way a stale speech needs an equally stale finishing statement. "So tell me Cullen, what does _your_ heart tell you to do?" Can't get any cornier than this, I'm sure. It's kind of difficult not to burst out laughing. But now I see he looks determined. Imagine that.

"You're right!" he says, maybe a little louder than he should. I wish he would keep it down, but something seems to have awakened a passion in him. "I have been madly in love with you for such a long time. Every waking moment I try to suppress any thoughts of you, only to be haunted by them in my sleep." That's very sweet and everything but blood and damnation, he's likely to wake everyone up if he keeps yelling like this. So I cup his face in my hands and kiss him, slipping my tongue into his mouth. A surprised moan escapes his throat, but then he's silent, except for his heavy breathing. As our tongues twirl around each other, I can hear telltale sounds of metal clattering onto stone. Ah, I can't wait to see him stripped of all that cold metal, in nothing but bare skin. I just want to feel _him_ under my hands, I want to feel Cullen, not that hard shell around him.

Now that his hands are bare, I can feel them on my hips, hot enough to burn holes into my robes. The cold plate against my chest is replaced by soft cotton. I really feel like taking off everything right now, but I should be patient. This is my first time after all, there's no rush. Could it be his first time too? I don't know much about the customs of these templar fellows. He just seems so sure of himself. Apart from when he speaks, that is.

"Have you done this before?" I ask, having pried myself away from him with great effort. My body doesn't want to be away from his, it seems. Without his outer shell, in only a white shirt and simple brown pants, he looks even better. More human, I would say.

Cullen just shakes his head in response to my question and brings me closer yet again in a possessive gesture, as if he's laying claim to me. I rather like the feeling, I must say. Mmm, and I like feeling his lips on my neck even better. Every one of those little kisses sends a wave of heat through my skin, setting me on fire. Never done this before my eye, surely this isn't the work of a novice. I have to focus. All I'm doing right now is moaning and enjoying myself, while I do want to get to know his body in and out. So to speak. I don't plan on cutting him open to see what's inside. Yuck, perish the thought.

Alright, Astoreth. Focus! You can do it. Try to… Oh my, he smells nice. Kind of like the herbs I use for the poultices to treat burns. Meanwhile I can feel him sucking at my neck with his teeth scraping across my skin, both a painful and pleasurable sensation. I wonder why he's doing that. No, no. Focus! You're a mage damn it, your mind is sharp, your will strong! In an act of rebellion against my own weakening mind, I grab Cullen's shirt at the collar and just rip it open down the front.

"Hey hey, calm down," he mumbles into my ear. His warm breath on my skin is going to drive me crazy! And here I thought just being horny would bring me to insanity.

"It's not my fault you're so damned irresistible." I'm a smooth operator, yes I am. I let my hands explore his torso. His skin feels so warm and soft and smooth. His flesh isn't yielding, but it's not rock-hard either. But I do feel something else that's rock-hard against my stomach. So this is an actual male member. Fascinating! I poke into it with my finger. Apparently he finds this funny, because I can hear him chuckling. When I lay my hand over it, I can feel the shape. It's not like my candle at all. No, it's bigger. Yay! Well, now that I have a mental image I need a visual image too. I slip my fingers over the top of his pants and try to pull them down. No luck.


	3. My Egotism is for Your Own Good

"Don't," he says, his hand stopping mine. "Let's just go slow." His voice has taken on a hoarse tone, so very sexy. I still want to take off his pants, but how can I resist when he sounds like this?

"As you wish." I must sound like some fawning idiot, but I can't help it. He just brings that out in me. If he won't allow me to look at his member, I should at least be able to play with it a little. I lay my hand on his erection again, stroking it up and down. Judging from the soft moaning sounds coming from him I must be doing it right. His moans excite me even more; it's a good thing I have such a strong mind or I would've torn off his pants and jumped him already.

Suddenly I feel as I'm levitating. Never mind, I'm not levitating. Cullen's swept me off my feet and I'm secure in his arms. Never in all of my life have I felt this safe, this… loved. Well, I imagine that's what this is anyway. All my life I've been looking for something more than knowledge of the arcane, something more than the praise of instructors, something more than the affection of my two only friends. And looking into his eyes, this must be it. Those wonderful eyes, just brimming with emotion... I think I'm about to start crying.

"What are you thinking of?" I should get to know him better first. Getting him to sleep with me isn't as important anymore. Strange how one's priorities can shift in a single instant.

His reply surprises me. "You. You are _so_ beautiful," he says, breathless. And then he kisses me again and all I can do is close my eyes in bliss and wrap my arms around his neck. The sensation in my stomach is so intense it almost hurts. I feel he's lowering me, gently placing me atop the soft pillows. It's like lying on a cloud.

Surely tomorrow I'll be kicking myself for saying this, but "Maybe we should wait. Maybe we should get to know each other better before we take such a great step."

He stares at me in surprise, eyebrows raised. "I thought this was what you wanted, what you came to me for," he says softly. I had no idea I was that easy to read. Although the open robes might've given me away. But no, I don't want to simply spend the night with him and nothing more. I suppose that's how it was before, but not anymore.

"Ah, well." How should I explain this? "It's true that I wanted to bed you. But I..." I would like to tell him I care for him, Maker help me, love him even. This unknown, fantastic feeling, it _must_ be love. I've never felt anything like it, ever. The butterflies in my stomach are a happy feeling, not an unpleasant one. I'd always thought feeling something fluttering about inside would be... annoying to say the least.

Cullen sits up straight and sighs. "Do you mean you no longer wish me to spend the night with you?" Ai, that's not at all what I meant. He sounds hurt and unhappy.

"No, no. Please don't think that. I just..." I swallow audibly. Just get it out in the open, girl, so we all know where we stand. "I care too much for you to just overwhelm you like this. So if you think we should postpone this, I am willing to." I look into his eyes and stroke his cheek, in a way I hope feels reassuring.

Since he lies down and covers my body with his, I suppose he doesn't think we should postpone this. I'm glad, really. My emotional needs may surpass my physical ones, but that doesn't mean the latter are gone.

"So you feel the same as I do," I hear his voice in my ear. There is relief in his voice, and joy.

"That depends on how you feel."

Briefly he is silent. And then I hear him say those three magic words, in a barely audible whisper: "I love you." This wave of emotion that's washing over me right now is likely to drown me, so overwhelming. Yes, I feel the same as he does and so I tell him. We kiss again, my heart races in my chest and I could not possibly be any happier. My hands appear to be acting on their own, disappearing under his torn shirt and caressing his back and sides. His arms are around my waist, tightly encircling it and holding me close. If I could I would burrow my way into him and get even closer. But we can get closer in another way. I slide his shirt down his shoulders, but he's still clinging to me like a barnacle.

"Come darling, let go of me a moment so I can undress you." I am unaccustomed to giving anyone a pet name, but I kind of like it. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

"No, I don't want to let go," he mutters. Ah, how adorable! I bury my face in his neck and deeply breathe in his intoxicating scent. My head is spinning a little.

"Alright. We'll spend the rest of your guard duty kissing and cuddling then..." I hope this will stir him into action. Wonder how much time we have left?

"Maker, I'd forgotten all about that." And without further ado he sits up and begins unhooking my robes. He isn't very successful; his hands are trembling too much. I imagine my slipping my hand into his pants and gripping his member doesn't help either. It fits right in my hand, hard yet soft, pulsating slightly under my touch. He gasps as soon as my hand closes around him. Clumsily I run my hand along his length, eliciting a low moaning sound from him. I don't really know how to treat one of these, so I better be careful. I mean, what if I break it? "Don't distract me so," he moans, still fumbling with my robes.

"As you wish." I don't really want to, but I let go of him anyway and help him undo all of the hooks. His eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when he sees me in my unmentionables. I can understand. Although I'm now out of my outer garments, most of my skin is still covered. I get cold really easily and this tower lacks warmth, so while the others can get away with wearing only a brassiere to support their chest, I have to wear an entire bodice. And no short socks for me either, no, only thick thigh-high stockings. It must be surprising to see all this fabric when you expect naked skin.

Cullen's looking down on me, his eyes moving up and down my body almost shamelessly. For some reason being looked at like this makes me even hotter. My hand is in my panties before I know it. The area between my legs is wet, so very wet and now my fingers are too. His eyes are burning on my skin, feeding the fire that he sparked within me. I close my eyes and touch myself. Soon everything else fades, drowned out by my fingers making circles around my swollen little bump. I know, I know, it's selfish of me. But I believe this is a show he will want to see, no?

Somewhere I can hear heavy breathing, punctuated by an occasional moan. None of that matters; only my slick fingers and the tiny organ they're caressing matter. More than that, only they seem to exist. No, worse still, I _am_ only those fingers and that organ. Only when my orgasm comes on do I become more aware of the rest of my body. It starts like a tiny explosion of pleasure deep in my underbelly and from there travels through my entire body in every direction. I can't keep quiet this time; I writhe and wriggle, moan and scream, my unoccupied hand clawing at the blanket I am lying upon. When the feeling dies down, I take my hand out of my panties and lick my fingers like I often do. I taste kind of acidic.

"Did you like that?" My voice comes out in a husky whisper. There's no answer. Dear me, I must've shocked him greatly. I pry my eyes open. "Cullen? Are you... _Oh_." My, my, I don't think he's shocked at all.

He is only occupied, it seems. Sitting on his knees in front of me, his hand has disappeared into his pants. He's playing with himself quite enthusiastically, his gaze fixed on me. I cannot help but stare in fascination and awe. Finally I have the opportunity to feast my eyes on his form. He's not as broad as the armour makes him look, but his muscles are well-defined. The small patch of hair on his chest has a coppery colour and narrows into a thin line running down the middle of his stomach, leading all the way down into his pants. I can hardly contain myself for joy, Maker, is he _gorgeous_!

I want to touch him so badly, shower him with kisses, caress every inch of his skin. With my eyes glued to the motions of his hand, I get on my knees as well. My lips automatically move to his neck, kissing and nipping their way down, arms wrapped around his waist. I linger at the soft hollow below his throat. It seems especially sensitive, making him moan softly when I touch it with my tongue. I could spend hours like this, but there is no time like the present.

I make my way down his chest, down his stomach, kissing, licking and nibbling. His hand grazes my chin as I stick my tongue into his bellybutton, just for fun. Only a little lower and I will be where I want to be. Slowly I unlace his pants. This time he has no objections. Goodness, is everything about him perfect or something? His member has a slightly darker shade than the rest of his body and it's not entirely straight, curving upward a little. The top part looks a bit like a mushroom cap, but narrower, in a lovely pink colour. It is a wonderful looking organ. I cannot resist closing my hand around the base and placing a kiss on the tip of his erection.

My templar gasps in surprise upon feeling my lips and hand on him. His hand immediately stops moving; my cue to start doing something nice for him. Sadly I don't know much about pleasing a man, I'm afraid. Tentatively I lick the groove at the tip. Just this small motion sends tremors through his entire body, approving moans sounding from deep within his throat. Good. I open my mouth and trace little circles around the tip with my tongue, then run it all the way up and down the length of him. All I hear from him now is panting and an occasional moan. But all I _want_ to hear is loud moaning and sometimes maybe my name, I'm not too demanding. Guess it's time to kick it up a notch.


	4. Frustrated No More

I close my lips around the tip and suck on it, taking care not to use my teeth in any way. My hand moves up and down the shaft. From what I've seen him do, you can be pretty rough with these things. Before long I feel his hands on my head, pushing me down and directing my movements. I can use all the help I can get, frankly. He urges me to go faster, and faster, and faster.

"Oh, Astoreth," he moans. That's what I was waiting for. I could just about do a victory dance. Suddenly he begins throbbing wildly in my mouth and even swells a little further. His moans increase in intensity. What does this mean, I wonder? And then something comes out of him and I know what it means. This something is kind of warm, viscous... and _bitter_!

I can't help but contort my face into a disgusted expression. Yuck, I'd never expected semen to taste like this. The books describe it as salty. Filthy liars. Nevertheless, I swallow all of it and even lick him clean. The things one does for love. I'm sure I'll get plenty of opportunities to get used to the taste.

"That was amazing," Cullen says in a dreamy voice. "I especially liked uhm, what you were doing with yourself." I can almost hear his very voice blush. Isn't he just the cutest? I fling my arms around him and let myself fall down onto the pillows, taking him with me. He lands on top of me with a little yelp. "Did I hurt you?" Again he sounds truly worried. These templars are probably raised with the notion that women are delicate flowers who should be treated as if made from porcelain. It is a sweet idea, but it does not apply to me.

"Of course not, silly. I'm tough as nails, trust me." I kiss his lips and run my hand through his hair again.

"O-okay. If you say so." He nuzzles my neck and sighs. His hand is on my hip, petting me through the cotton of my unmentionables. I open the first button of my bodice.

"Would you like to see me... well, you know?" Naked just sounds so rude. Cullen chuckles and nods vehemently, his eyes sparkling.

"I would love that. May I?" With my permission he undoes the buttons on my bodice himself, without his hands trembling. I look at his face while he's busy undressing me. My darling is staring at my chest intently, especially as he moves to take off my bodice entirely. I feel very vulnerable with my upper body exposed like this.

"I've never seen breasts before," he whispers. He sounds most impressed.

"And what do you think of them?"

I've never before seen him smile the way he does now. He looks naughty, full of mischief. Mmm. "Can't tell you before I feel them." His hands cover my breasts and gently squeeze them. Normally I don't do much with my breasts because they don't appear to have a lot of feeling in them, but oh boy, do I feel _this_. My nipples harden against his palms, harder than they've ever been I think. Oh my goodness! He's gently rolling them between his fingers now. It feels _awesome_. The sensation is akin to the pleasure of an orgasm, but unlike that, this feeling stays mainly in my breasts. I simply have to close my eyes. Then I feel him on top of me, his hands still occupied with my chest.

"You know, I've always imagined they would be harder. Never have I felt anything softer." His breath blows against my ear and even that feels nice. My hand has a will of its own, moving from his chest, down his stomach and caressing his member before grabbing a hold of it.

"Please, please, please don't make me wait any longer." I don't care if I sound pathetic. "Make love to me, now." And I don't care if I sound whiny either. My hand continues its stroking motions; I hear him moaning in my ear.

"No, not yet." I can tell from the sound of his voice that he finds me hard to resist. If only I were as irresistible to him as he is to me, but alas, I will have to wait before I can feel him inside of me. "I want to do the same for you as you did for me." Aw, isn't that sweet?

"Well, you can't. I don't have the same equipment you do." I have no choice but to chuckle at this sad attempt of humour. I've never been very funny.

"I will simply have to make do then," Cullen says with a hint of a smile in his voice. At least he's not put off by my pathetic joke. I feel his lips on my neck, making their way to between my breasts. All this feels like a wonderful dream. If it is, I don't want to wake up. Ever.

My back tenses into an arch when I feel his tongue on my right nipple. Damn, that feels nice. His teeth have now joined in, nibbling gently. I still cannot believe he is doing this for the first time. His every touch makes me squirm. In a good way, I mean. He gives my other nipple an equally pleasant treatment before continuing down my stomach. I wonder how I feel to him. "Plump" comes to mind. I could stand to be thinner, but I just keep telling myself I need a little extra fat to keep myself warm in here.

Maker's mercy, it's like he is all over me, everywhere at the same time. All I can do is lay back, relax and utter unholy moans. I feel my panties sliding down my hips, down my thighs and my calves. Hmm, I hope he likes what he sees. It feels awkward; nobody has ever seen me naked. Although I'm technically not completely naked, since I'm still wearing my stockings. I must look really silly.

"You are such a beautiful creature," I hear him say from somewhere above me. His hand is on my underbelly. I pry one eye open to look up at him.

"You think so?" My face feels warm; I must be blushing like mad. His compliments make me feel a bit shy.

"No. I know it." He smiles at me and crouches between my legs. This is _so_ exciting!

"Do you need some pointers?" If he's new at this, he will. Cullen looks up at me.

"That would be nice. I am at a loss here." Heh, it should be fun teaching him how to please me. I place my hand between my legs and point at my button.

"See this?" When he nods, I continue: "This is where it all happens. And down here," I stick a finger between my lips, "is my entrance. I guess that's all you need to know. The rest is up to you." I lick my finger. Now we wait.

"I, uhm..." Oh dear, that doesn't sound good. I prop myself up on my elbows and catch him staring at my private parts in confusion.

"Would you like me to show you?" I take his hand and softly kiss the palm.

He's blushing furiously. I can't believe how adorable he is. "If you would be so kind."

"As you wish, then. But I would like a kiss first." As soon as he leans over me, I wrap my arms and legs around him and kiss him as if it would be my last kiss ever. His hard-on presses against my stomach.

"Now then, sit back and watch me," I whisper into his ear. It seems Cullen has to tear himself away from me, but nevertheless he takes a seat near my feet and looks at me expectantly. I spread my legs and rub the fingers of my right hand between my inner lips to make them slick and wet. This always makes it more pleasant. My middle and ring finger trace little circles around my button, while I use my pinkie and forefinger to keep my outer lips open. Again pleasure takes control of me and I forget everything but my fingers and my swollen little bump.

I immediately snap back to reality when I feel his soft tongue on me. "I think I get it now," he mumbles. His tongue taps my clitoris and mimics my own movements, twirling circles around it. I'm so aroused my orgasm approaches with great strides. My back arches, I push his head deeper into my lap and clench my legs shut. I couldn't open them if I wanted to. I can't control my voice either: I scream like a lunatic as I ride the waves of pleasure washing over me. This feels so much more powerful than when I do it myself.

When the feeling ebbs away, my legs flop apart. Cullen emerges from between them, gasping and wheezing. Poor thing has turned red in the face. I scurry to my feet and hug him.

"I'm sorry. Are you alright?" In the meantime I use this opportunity to take off his shirt.

"Don't worry, I'm fine." He kisses me again, and I taste myself on his lips.

"Did I please you?" His beautiful eyes stare at me in what looks like adoration.

I laugh. "Did you ever! I wasn't screaming from pain, you know." I lean back into the pillows and beckon him to come to me. I can tell he's as eager as I am from the way he scrambles to peel off his pants. For the first time tonight I notice how the moonlight illuminates him, making him look ethereal, angelic. It takes my breath away.

Our eyes lock and we keep staring at each other as he lowers himself and lies down atop my body. I feel his hand in my hair.

"May I?" Never has anyone looked at me with such tenderness.

"May you what?" I'm not really sure what he means.

"Will you let your hair down for me?" I am shocked. He thinks my bun is boring too!

"Well, if you like. Is it because you think my hair looks boring like this?" Maybe I should rethink always wearing it in a bun.

"No, you look lovely. But I've never seen you with your hair down." He has an almost pleading look in his eyes. How could I resist? I remove each and every pin that keeps my bun in place and uncoil my hair. It falls around my shoulders in many wild strands. "You should wear it like this more often." His voice and gaze echo appreciation. I am glad. Letting my hair down is like an act of surrender in itself. I think he is the only one who has ever seen me like this.

"As you wish." That's all I can say.

Cullen runs his fingers through my hair and looks me in the eyes. "So uhm," he clears his throat, "are you ready?" His blush deepens once again.

"I can't wait." And that's the truth. I'm practically shaking with anticipation. He rubs the tip of his member between my lips.

"Here?" He got it exactly right; so close now. Here I am, twenty years old and ready to lose my virginity to someone I should not even be consorting with. But it feels right and life is short, so why not? I thrust my hips in his direction and the first inch of him slips into me. This small portion alone is enough to make me squeal with delight.

"Yes, right there." The reaction he shows to my impertinent act surpasses everything. His body almost convulses while he throws back his head and moans.

"Maker's breath! Th-this feels... so..." He opens and closes his mouth, probably unsure what to say. And then he begins slowly, so slowly I almost scream in frustration, inching his way into me. This feeling is divine. Like my most intimate area is being stretched out gently but thoroughly in an extremely pleasant manner. I imagine this is how my stockings feel when I put them on. They must be very happy garments indeed. I loosely wrap my legs around my templar's waist. After what seems like an eternity of him teasingly slipping in, he is buried in me to the root. I can feel him throbbing within me, while my muscles contract around him. It's like I have died and gone to paradise.

"Are you alright? No pain?" Cullen looks at me with worry in his eyes. He must really care for me a lot. And actually, no, I feel no pain at all. That candle really paved the way for him. Or it was because he took such care not to hurt me.

"None at all. You are treating me very well." I sigh and ruffle his hair. I feel very happy. In fact, if I get any happier I fear my heart will burst. "Please, continue."

He nods and slowly pulls out of me a ways, then pushes himself back in. Everything goes black before my eyes as he repeats his motions. I have never felt anything like this. Not my first mastered spell, not my first orgasm, not my first kiss, nothing can compare to the sensation his gentle thrusting generates. I moan, I pant, I call his name; everything is veiled in a fine mist of lust, love and pleasure. Faintly I hear him whispering my name, telling me how good this feels, how much he loves me. For some reason tears flow from my eyes. They must be tears of joy. After all, I've finally found what I've wanted for so long.

"Don't cry, love. What have I done wrong?" He stops thrusting into me and wipes away my tears with great tenderness. My vision is so blurry I can hardly see him.

"I just love you so much!" I can't help it; I start bawling like a baby and there's nothing I can do about it. Soothing words are murmured into my ear, strong arms envelop me and he continues making love to me. Soon my bawling turns to sobbing and then once again, pleasure takes over me. His mouth covers mine and he slips his tongue between my lips. And as we kiss, everything is complete.

All my senses are ablaze with delight; I feel his feverishly hot body pressing me down, his soft skin slick with sweat just like my own; I smell the old tomes surrounding us and the mint like scent that comes from my lover; I hear our cries mingle into a true symphony of pleasure, love and lust; I taste the both of us on my tongue, the bitter flavour of his seed and the acidic one of my own juices; I see only darkness, because my eyes are closed.

"Oh no," he groans. I open my eyes to see what's going on. "I'm nearly there. I'm sorry." I can tell from the pained expression of his features he's trying very hard to hold off on climaxing.

"That's alright, darling. Just let it happen." I'm curious to see the expression on his face when that intense feeling of pleasure washes over it. His thrusts become harder and harder; he throbs noticeably within me. I tighten my muscles around his member (I know how to control them) and after one final, almost unbearably deep thrust he announces his orgasm. His eyes roll back into his head and a raw cry escapes his throat. I can feel his member expand inside of me a little. His handsome face is contorted into a mask of intense passion, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. That there is the most awesome thing I've ever seen. With a mighty sigh he collapses onto me.

"You're heavy!" He presses down on me so hard I have to choke these words out.

"I'm sorry." Immediately he gets off me and flops onto his back. His chest rises and falls with his rapid breathing. I grab the folded blanket and spread it out over him. Cullen's closed his eyes and is smiling. He looks so sweet. I get under the soft blanket as well and cuddle up to him. I can only sigh contently as he takes me into his arms and kisses my forehead. His heartbeat drums against my ear, powerful and steady.

"That was amazing." I'm sure my voice is filled with adoration, as he deserves for his performance.

"It was, wasn't it? Are you sure you're not in any pain?" He caresses my cheek and smiles at me sweetly.

"No pain, but I seem to be leaking. Wish I had a towel, or something." His semen is trickling out of me slowly. I feel a bit sticky.

"Ah, well, I'm glad you feel alright at least." His hand absently strokes my hair.

"So, this was your first time?" I'm curious. It sure didn't seem like it was his first time. Then again, sometimes it did.

Again he is blushing furiously. "It was. It's just that I've dreamed if this so many times, all I had to do was… repeat what I did there."

"You dreamed of this, or you dreamed of me?" Dreaming of me, hah, that would be something. I can't imagine anyone liking me enough for that, but apparently it is possible.

Cullen chuckles. "Both. Of you, and this. Combined, usually." He clasps his hand to his mouth and yawns. I feel a bit sleepy too and can't help but yawn too. It must be contagious. My eyelids get heavy; I can hardly keep my eyes open.

"Astoreth?" His voice is just a whisper.

"Hmmm?" It's so difficult to focus now. Sleepy.

"I love you." Another kiss on my forehead, strong arms around me. I feel safe.

"I love you too," I mumble. Then everything begins fading away as sleep comes over me.


	5. The Sexy Messenger

I wake up in my own bed. I don't remember going to bed. Aw nuts, all that was just a dream. Humbug, it felt so real. It's like I can still smell Cullen's delicious scent. Oh, wait. I still smell his scent because I'm wearing his shirt. My own robes lie crumpled at the foot of my bed. Happy day! I'm a virgin no longer! I jump out of bed and run to the mirror. Everyone else is gone, which means lessons have already begun. I better hurry.

I don't look any different, except that my hair is still down. Funny, I thought that losing one's virginity was a rite of passage that would bring about some change. But there's no physical change. Well, except that I'm ready for more of what Cullen has to offer. Ah, he was amazing indeed. I pull up my hair to get it into my good old bun.

"What is this?" I am in the habit of speaking to myself when nobody's around. There's a vivid red spot on the side of my neck. Is that…? I remember him sucking at my neck, his teeth scraping over my skin.

"Mister Muffin!" I tell my bear. "He has _marked_ me!" This here is a love bite. I feel kind of proud. I belong to someone. I'm sure if he could, Mister Muffin would've given me thumbs up. Nevertheless, I should hide it. Great, now I have no choice but to wear my hair down. I quickly brush it, hide the tattered shirt and get dressed. Where did my panties go? Not that I was going to wear _those_ sodden things today. Oh well, I hope I don't get chewed out too badly.

* * *

Well, this has just been one fine day. First I was scolded for being late and then I got scolded several times for not paying attention. How could I pay attention to all this boring theory, when only last night I fell in love and made love for the first time? I just sat there with a big stupid grin on my face, while the others were whispering behind me about my absent behaviour and different hairstyle. I don't care what they think, as long as they don't know the truth. We could get in serious trouble for this.

Eventually I got kicked out of class for my lack of attention. I have to do an extra assignment because of it, bah. Oh well. All I could do today was daydream of my beloved and the experience we shared.

Daniela and I are sitting on the steps leading to the Senior Mage Quarters.

"So, tell me, what happened between you two?" Her eyes sparkle and I can tell she's very curious.

"Obviously I cannot tell you everything. But suffice it to say that I feel very, very content." I sigh and smile. Last night's events are playing through my mind.

"That's all I need to know. I like your hair, by the way. Do you plan on keeping it like this?" She sounds a bit triumphant. It's not like I did it for her.

"Maybe, I don't know. It's just an experiment." It's not as troublesome as I thought it would be. Maybe I will wear my hair like this more often. It's not like I am ever in battle or anything. Suddenly heavy footsteps sound and lo and behold, none other than Cullen comes stomping by. He halts as soon as he sees us. Maker's breath, I'm turning red again.

"Hello Cullen," Danny says in a sweet voice.

He nods politely. "Ladies. I was just looking for you," he addresses me. "First Enchanter Irving has requested me to bring you to him." I have to admire how stoic he can be. Just last night we were all over one another.

"Alright. I'll see you later, Danny." We wave to each other (she winks conspicuously) and I follow Cullen to see the First Enchanter. The halls are abandoned; everyone seems to be occupied elsewhere. I pick up my pace to walk beside him.

My templar lays his arms around my shoulders. "I, uhm… Last night was really nice."

"It certainly was. I hope you were in time for the changing of the guard. You didn't get in any trouble, did you dear?" I slip my arm around his waist and take bigger steps to walk in stride with him.

"No, no trouble. You were really fast asleep and I couldn't just leave you there, so I carried you back to your bed. Thankfully all the others were sleeping as well." I stand on my toes to give him a peck on the cheek and he smiles.

"How very chivalrous of you. May I keep your shirt?" I can already see myself spending every night sniffing that thing until I fall asleep.

"If you wish. Then may I keep your, uhm, undergarments?" A pink flush spreads across his cheeks. How cute he is.

"Ah, so that's where they went. Of course you may keep them."

Cullen looks around suspiciously and before I know it, my back is against a wall and he is pressed against my front. The butterflies begin fluttering about in my stomach. "Surely we still have a few minutes to spare." His voice is hoarse again. I can feel my knees getting weak. Maker's mercy, I just cannot resist him.

"What do you suggest we do in these few minutes?" As if I don't know. I hike my skirt up to my waist. Cullen makes no reply, but smiles wickedly instead and leans closer to me. Our lips meet once again and I can hardly wait to slip my tongue into his mouth. Soon he pulls down my panties and I feel the tip of his member between my wet lips. How did he get it out so quickly? I wriggle my lower body until my panties are bunched on the floor.

He lifts me to his level and props up my back against the wall. With his hands under my knees he keeps my legs open. Carefully he enters me. Again this wonderful feeling of being stretched out by pure pleasure. This time he doesn't go about it so slowly and before long he is fully in me. It is as if he fills every fibre of my being and not just my… well, you know. The v-word. His thrusts are short and intense, giving me goose bumps. I throw back my head and try to stifle a moan.

I hear a thud as my head hits the wall, but I feel nothing. All that exist now are my most intimate area and his absolutely thrilling member, sending me further into bliss with every thrust. My fingers go to where we are joined together and quickly find my button. I stroke myself while he continues pushing in and pulling out of me. Tension builds in my pulsating bump quickly, but only when I hear him bite back a groan and feel him throbbing do I let go.

I tightly wrap my free arm around his shoulders as the tidal wave of my orgasm comes over me and press my face against his neck. I bite my lip to keep quiet. Somewhere I hear his soft moans in my ear, feel his metal-clad body against mine. Slowly the pleasure recedes and I feel him shrinking inside of me. Suddenly I become aware of the fact that I'm very hot.

"Oh my." I fiercely fan my face with both hands. Hot, hot, hot! Cullen laughs at me and carefully sets me down before kissing me. I simply must hug him.

"I'm so very lucky to have you," I whisper to him. Maker, I just love him so much.

"And I to have you. Now come, we should get to Irving." He's tucked his equipment back to where it belongs and smoothes the skirt part of his armour down.

"Don't you have to wear plate under there too?" Funny how these men wear skirts.

"Well yes, but sometimes I just leave it behind. This is more comfortable and not a soul can see what I wear under here anyway."

I bend down and put my panties back on. They're soaking wet in no time with all that semen flowing out of me. Something should be done about that.

"Do you have any idea what Irving wants with me?" I hope it's not about my behaviour in class today.

"It concerns your Harrowing. I suppose he thinks you're ready to be tested."

I gasp and clap my hands. "If I do this right, I get to move to the nicer quarters upstairs! Finally, more privacy."

"And if you don't, you die." He sounds sad. Why must people always assume the worst?

"Yes, well, let's not think about that, shall we?" I show him an encouraging smile. "Let's go."

We spend a few moments in a warm embrace before we continue on our way.


	6. How About a Preview

The First Enchanter told me three days ago my Harrowing was to take place in a week, so four more days to go. He expressed great faith in my abilities and that I should have no trouble taking this test. Well, at least he's confident enough for the both of us. I have no idea what this Harrowing actually is, except that I die if I do it wrong. Others who have taken it are obliged to keep their mouths shut. It must be a harrowing experience, ha-ha. There's no use getting nervous about it already. I can get to that when the time comes.

I am looking forward to moving to the nicer quarters, however. This one time I sneaked up there and snooped about. There are fewer people to a room there, you know. And they have their own closet, their own vanity too. More than enough space for me, Mister Muffin and all of my stuff.

Cullen's on guard duty again at our quarters tonight. I can't wait. Ever since that first night we spent together, my body has been aching for more. I think of him every waking moment, and when I sleep, I dream of him. It's maddening, but in a good way.

* * *

"I just keep thinking this is wrong." Cullen speaks in hushed tones as we make our way to the library again. So he's having second thoughts about us.

"It _is_ wrong." I take his hands in mine and get him to stop walking. "It's wrong that we are not allowed to be together. It's wrong that we must sneak about in the middle of the night, as if we are common criminals." It may sound a bit trite, but I really feel this way. We are meant to be together, mage and templar or not. I just can't imagine being with anyone else.

I stare into my beloved's beautiful eyes. I hope he can tell how much I love him, I hope he knows.

He sighs and shows me a sad smile. "Yes, you're right." He kisses my hand. "I'm sorry. You're amazing and I should be glad to have you, instead of whine like this."

"No, I understand. You were raised to control my kind so naturally you would think this is wrong. Still, you fell in love with me. Don't you think the Maker put us on this path for a reason?" I stand on my toes and pucker up my lips for a kiss. His eyes narrow when he laughs at the expression on my face. I must look really silly. But he bends down and presses his lips to mine anyway.

"You're cute," he tells me with a bright smile. Well, I guess he would know cute.

"Heh, look who's talking!" I pinch his cheek a little. "So would you rather return, or...?" Please don't leave me. I need you.

Suddenly he wraps his arms around my waist and pushes his body up against mine. I can feel the hardness between his legs pressing against my stomach.

"No, I would certainly rather not return." That naughty grin that curves his lips makes me all tingly. "As I'm sure you can feel." His hands go lower and cup my behind, squeezing me firmly. My panties are getting soaking wet.

"But let's wait until we can properly lie down." Cullen grabs me by the arm.

"Hold on a moment." I kneel before him. He looks down on me with crimson cheeks. "Let me give you a little... preview of what's to come, if you will." I look up at him, biting my lip. His shyness only serves to excite me more. Slowly I unlace his pants, revealing his erection. A clear drop has formed at the top; I lick it away. This stuff is salty. He moans as I lick him up and down. I just love pleasing him. You know, it just occurred to me that I have never paid any attention to his testicles. This should be remedied.

I gently cup his testicles in my right hand. What should I do with them? They seem somewhat delicate. I squeeze them as softly as I possibly can.

"Mmm, that's nice." His voice is thick with lust. I must be doing it right. My left hand still busies itself with his member, firmly massaging the length of his shaft. His skin feels velvety soft. I close my mouth around the tip. Currently I am doing three things: sucking the tip, stroking the shaft and gently massaging his balls. The third thing especially requires focus, since they seem to be so sensitive. I hardly had to touch them to make him moan in pleasure. If my hand can make him moan, maybe my mouth can make him scream.

I move my lips down his shaft, a row of kisses down the middle. Teasingly I touch my tongue to his testicles. I hear him draw in a sharp breath. Very good. I try to suck both of them into my mouth and his legs begin shaking. Hmm, they don't quite fit into my mouth together. Ah well. Instead I alternate sucking on each of them. He must have his hand in front of his mouth because his sounds are muffled. He throbs in my hand, telling me he is close to orgasm. My hand takes over for my mouth and I once again wrap my lips around the tip of his wonderful member. Soon he _explodes_ on my tongue, squirting long strands of his warm semen into my mouth. It is still bitter, but I'm beginning to like it. I mean, I like black coffee and that's bitter too. Maybe I should take up drinking this. I wonder how many ejaculations it takes to fill a cup.

"Ah, Astoreth, you spoil me," he says affectionately. I swallow his seed and lick my lips. Yes, I could get used to this.

"You deserve it. An amazing person like you deserves to be pampered all the time." I close his pants for him and get back on my feet. He embraces me and buries his face in my hair.

"So do you, sweetheart, so do you," he says. I can hear him smell me. I'm glad I washed my hair today.

"Well, you can get to that later. I'm ready for more, aren't you?" I wink at him.

"Oh yes." He sounds eager. Holding hands we rush to the library.


	7. A Crowded Place

"Wait, do you hear that?" I whisper. Faint sounds are coming from the corner we were headed to. I creep over to the source of the sounds, poking my head around the book case. Oh my. There are two naked mages here fooling around. I don't know either of them. Maker's breath, how many people use this place for their business? I think we should find another.

I turn around and beckon Cullen to come over. He is surprisingly silent for a guy in a metal suit. His face goes beetroot as soon as he sees what the couple are doing.

"How many people come here?" he hisses into my ear.

I shrug. "We will find another place, I promise." The two mages are too much into what they are doing to notice our presence, let alone hear anything we say. I am fascinated. They are in a position we haven't tried yet. The woman is on top, grinding herself against the man. Her breasts are jiggling with every move she makes. The man isn't really doing anything, just moaning and letting the woman take control. I like being in control. We should do this. I turn around, undoing the hooks on my robes. "What do you say we find ourselves a quiet spot and..." I don't even get the chance to finish talking.

He covers my mouth with his hand and begins hiking up my skirt. His eyes are fixed upon the couple behind the book case. He turns me around and unceremoniously penetrates me. It's a good thing he has his hand over my mouth so he can muffle my cries. Wow, I didn't think he had it in him. But I do have him in me now, ha-ha.

Maker, he feels so good. And then he begins thrusting in me with all his might and I just lose it. I buck my hips in his direction, moving in sync with him. His free hand grabs a hold of my breast and squeezes it hard. I don't care; all I want is for him to keep on doing me. I scream and moan into his hand. He's grunting in my ear like an animal, sinks his teeth into my shoulder. Very, very sexy. Sadly it's over all too soon. He ejaculates into me in mere minutes and bites down deeper into my shoulder. It hurts; I'm sure he's drawn blood.

The others have finished as well, it seems. They quickly get dressed.

"Thanks. It was good. Tell me when you want to go again," the woman says. Her voice sounds rather cold.

"No, thank _you_. I certainly will. Take care," the man replies in much the same manner. That sounded a lot like some kind of business transaction. So this is how the others fulfil their… physical needs. They just hook up and do it. We quickly take cover as the both of them go their separate ways, after a friendly handshake. Thankfully they didn't spot us. As soon as their footsteps are no longer audible, Cullen rushes to inspect my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" He fusses over me as if I'm a child. I like it. "You're bleeding." The pitiful tone of his voice makes me melt. I couldn't be angry with him even if I wanted to. He licks the bite mark on my shoulder; it stings like crazy.

"Ow! Would you stop that?" It hurts worse than when he bit me.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault. And I wasn't very gentle with you before, when…" He clears his throat and blushes. "I don't know what came over me when I saw them…" This time he coughs. Heh, it's cute how he can't just come out and say it.

"It's alright, my darling." I hug him and he relaxes visibly. "I'm not angry with you in any way. How could I be?" I kiss the tip of his nose.

"I imagine it would be easy, with the way I treated you earlier. But I will make it up to you." With that he picks me up, gets me over to the pillows and lays me down. I would like to say there is no need, but he just looks so determined. And of course I can always use a little extra love, if you get my meaning. He undresses me lovingly and neatly folds my clothes before laying them to the side. I shiver in the cold. I don't even have my stockings on anymore. Quickly he takes off his breastplate and shirt to cover my body with his. Ah, he is so warm and soft. And minty. If only Mister Muffin were like this. But then I would probably end up having crazy hot sex with a stuffed toy and that is taking it a bit too far.

"Can we stay like this for a while? I really enjoy just holding you." I sigh and wrap my legs around him.

"Whatever you want, love. I'm here to please you." He sounds surprised. Come on now, it's not like I want to spend all of our time together doing it. Or well, maybe I do.

"Don't you think we should get to know each other a little better? So far the only thing I know about you is that you're an amazing lover, but it pretty much ends there. Please, tell me more about yourself." I really would like to know him. There must be an interesting background to my templar.

His handsome face pulls into a sour expression. "That's quite impossible."

"Why? Is it some big secret?" I chuckle. Maybe he is some kind of genetic experiment. An experiment of how to create the perfect man. I'd say they succeeded.

Cullen grimaces. "No, it's just that I don't know. I was given to the Chantry as a baby; maybe I was an orphan, maybe an unwanted child. Ever since I can remember I was in a convent and eventually trained to be a templar." I can tell from the way he is frowning that he's not very comfortable with the subject.

"We have a lot in common then. I have no idea where I'm from either; all I have from my past are this necklace and my bear. Irving told me that they found me before the tower, wailing and shrieking. There was a note pinned to my dress. It had my name and birth date on it and basically said I had magical talents and they should take care of me. Nothing else." Even after all this time I cannot imagine how anyone can just give their child away like that. "Birds of a feather, we are."

"I am glad to hear it," my love tells me with a sweet, sweet kiss. "And I am glad to have you."

My mouth stretches into a grin I imagine looks nothing short of stupid. He just gives me this warm feeling inside, you know? Even without opening his mouth he does. And then he goes and says something sweet like this and well, my common sense just flies out the window.

"Don't you ever wonder about where you came from?" He carefully takes my pendant between his fingers and inspects it.

"Of course I do. So do you, I bet. But it doesn't matter anyway. I cannot leave this place." I bury my face in his neck and inhale deeply. His scent fills my nose.

"Do you want to? I mean, do you like it here?" He mimics me and begins sniffing me as well. The hair on his face tickles, making me giggle.

"I like it here well enough, especially now that I have you." He smiles at me upon hearing this. "But I would like to leave sometime, you know. Not permanently. Just to see what's out there."

"Next time I get outside, I will bring you something." Ooh, presents. I never get presents. "Sometimes I think we are too hard on you," he continues. "It's just the maleficarum giving all of you a bad name, I think." Sounds like he's been giving it a lot of thought.

"I like how you give us mage folk that much credit. I for one am glad you are here to keep an eye on us." And of course to provide me with someone I can spend some quality time with.

"You mean you are glad for the templars, or just for me?" He makes it sound light-hearted, but somehow I know my answer is important.

"What do you think?" I wiggle my eyebrows at him and softly kiss his lips. Of course this turns into passionate kissing with lots of groping. I love groping. I love being groped. "I meant that I'm glad _you_ are here with me," I tell him in between kisses. His body is so warm and smooth under my hands, nothing but firm muscle and soft skin. "I love you, my sweet."

"I love you too," he pants into my ear. Before I know it, he is deep inside me. I hadn't even noticed him taking his pants off. I dig my nails into his back and hear him gasp. This is very nice, but I would like to do something else. Something new. I tightly wrap my legs around his midsection and roll us over. I sit up straight and find him staring up at me in surprise.

"What are you doing?" My sweetheart is wide-eyed with curiosity. I should praise the Maker we found each other.

"Just trying something different, dear." I wiggle my hips. He moans.

"Feeling inspired, are we?" Cullen chuckles and rests his hands on my hips.

"Yes indeed." I'm not really sure what to do now though. So what was that woman doing again? Right. I place my hands on his chest to steady myself and move up to let him slip out of me halfway, then quickly push him all the way back in coming down. Oh, this feels so good. This way he gets even deeper than he usually does. I can tell he enjoys it too from the way his eyes are rolled back. A low growling noise comes from deep within his throat. Mmm, it sends chills down my spine. "You... are sooo..." The amazing feeling I get from riding him prevents me from speaking. I'm trying very hard not to scream out.

"I'm sooo what?" he moans. His hands are on my breasts, squeezing them, tweaking at my nipples. My entire body is one great big mass of pure, unadulterated pleasure.

"So... so..." I'm really having a hard time focusing on what I want to say. "Sexy," I finally choke out. That's it, I'm done talking. I pick up my pace, grinding my hips against his harder and faster. It feels so nice I almost pass out. Soon I feel him expanding within me, filling me up even further. His member throbs violently and his face takes on the same immensely beautiful expression I have observed before. I stare at him in fascination as he climaxes, softly moaning. My body moves on its own, going slower and slower as his throbbing lessens. I bend down to kiss him and he smiles at me, takes me in his arms.

"So, uhm, you think I'm… sexy?" His voice is shy. Maybe he's never seen himself. But then how would he shave, right?

"Of course." I lie down next to him, stroking his stomach. "I mean, look at you."

"I see nothing special. All the others have pretty much the same build." How can he look at that fine body and not realize how fine it is? Modesty must be bred into them too.

"Really? Well anyway, believe me when I say you are _extremely_ attractive." I kiss his cheek, his neck, his chest and lower. I just cannot resist him. "Oh, and your face..." I briefly stare at him in admiration. "You are by far the handsomest man I've ever seen." Can't let that be left unsaid. It's the truth, after all. I leave a trail of kisses down his stomach. His scent is everywhere around me. I could just spend days revelling in it, but right now I have my eye on something to play with.


	8. An Oral Apology

_If you have me or this story on your alerts list: this isn't a new chapter and neither are the following ones. I just changed the length of chapters and moved things about, because I personally detest too great an amount of words. I hate to disappoint, but nothing new has been added. Thanks for your readership. _

* * *

In its current limp state his member looks a bit like a large worm. It's kind of squishy as well. I take it into my hand and run my tongue along its length. Heh, at least now I can suck it in completely. But soon he grows in my mouth and I can no longer contain him fully. I swirl my tongue around the tip, suck on it, take him into my mouth as far as I can, stroke the shaft with my hand.

I really enjoy doing this, especially when I notice how much he likes it. His hand is on the back of my head, directing my speed. From time to time he draws in a sharp breath and tells me I'm doing well. Or I suppose I'm doing well, seeing how all he says is "yes" and "ooh" and likewise monosyllables. Suddenly he grabs me and flings me unto the pillows. He places his hands under my knees and raises them over his shoulders before entering me. This is new too. I'm wide open and he comes deeper into me than ever before. All I can do is let all this pleasure come over me and bite my knuckles to suppress my moaning. I swear, if I don't try to keep quiet I will wake up everyone with my screaming.

He's thrusting in me so hard it hurts a little, but the pleasure is so great I hardly notice any pain. This is so different from the first time, when he was gentle and loving. Ah well, it's what you get from telling a man you're tough as nails. And it's not like I'm not enjoying this. "Oh my, you're such an animal." My voice comes out in short gasps. I run my fingers through his hair.

He slows down. "Are... aren't you enjoying this?" He's out of breath, his voice discouraged.

"I'm enjoying it just fine, lover." I simultaneously sink my teeth into his ear and furrow my nails down his back. This apparently lights a fire in him as he growls and begins pounding me harder and faster than he's ever done. I take a deep breath to shriek, but he sticks his tongue into my mouth and kisses me hungrily. Any scream I wanted to utter disappears and all I can do is whimper, helpless. He's hurting me. And yet, I still like what he's doing. It hurts, but it feels so good as well.

My mind is going a bit fuzzy. I feel as if I'm on fire, red hot. Suddenly his mouth is gone from me and he throws his head back, moaning. Looking up at Cullen, I see his face is red, sweat pouring off his brow, eyes closed. He's just so incredibly sexy, beautiful, I don't know. I can only stare at him as he takes his pleasure of me. Low groans come from between his slightly parted lips. I am mesmerised by what I see above me, study every detail of his face. How old would he be? I've never asked.

His eyes fly open abruptly; I feel him begin throbbing inside me and so I know he's nearly there. He lets go with a great roar, burying himself painfully deep into me. I cringe and bite back a whimper. All the pleasure has gone from my body; all that remains is pain. My vision becomes blurry with tears, I can't help it. This just... Ouch.

"Oh no. I've hurt you, haven't I?" His voice is startled. Gently he pulls out of me and I feel his seed trickling out of me. Even that stings. Then he wraps his arms around me and I take a deep breath to steady myself. It's not so bad; after all, it's only pain. I'm not dying or anything.

"It's alright, I'll be fine. Don't worry." Gah, am I sore right now. I pat him on the shoulder.

"You look like you're in pain, love." He looks concerned and guilty, tenderly caresses my face.

"Uhm well, yes I am. Very astute." I've just been pounded within an inch of my life. Of course I'm in pain.

"I'm sorry." He sniffles. Poor thing. I should try to hide my feelings better. He's so sensitive. "But I'll make it up you." A seductive promise, whispered into my ear. It sends a tingle down my spine.

"Truly?" I raise an eyebrow and giggle. "Do your worst."

Cullen chuckles at me, such a charming sound. "I will." He gives me a tremendously tender kiss and then nibbles my earlobe a bit before driving me crazy with nipping at my neck. Boy, he really knows what he's doing. His hands are travelling all over my body, stroking my sides, cupping my breasts and rolling my nipples between his fingers. The pain I was feeling fades away. Amazing.

And when he closes his lips around my nipple, oh wow, my mind goes all fuzzy again. Everything goes black before my eyes. I think they're rolled back into my head. Maybe if I try hard enough, I can see my brain. His tongue is soft and wet on my skin, his hands a bit calloused but tender. In his touch I feel that he loves me, that he cares for me. My other nipple gets treated the same way, licked, sucked, nibbled. My button begins throbbing, begging for him to curl his tongue around it.

I pet his soft, soft hair before gently nudging him to go lower. He chuckles and quickens his descent, covering my tummy with little kisses. He pauses before touching me between the legs. I could just about scream with frustration. That dirty tease!

And then he gently blows across my nether lips and my back lifts off the ground in an arch. He _really_ knows what he's doing. Has he been practising or something? He dips his tongue between my lips.

"Blech!" He makes a gagging sound. "This is disgusting!" Excuse me? Disgusting?

I prop myself up on my elbows and glare at him. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, I meant _I'm_ disgusting. How can you... Yuck!" His face looks utterly disgusted. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You know my dear, I happen to like it. The first time I tasted it I pretty much thought the same. But now..." To make my point I rub my fingers between my lips, coating them in his semen, and ostentatiously lick them clean. He stares at me wide-eyed and swallows. I can see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"And you call me sexy." His voice sounds reverent and approving. I like compliments, even if they're only implied.

"Certainly. Are you going to act like it?" I reach out my hand to him and pat his head. This makes him smile happily. He's such a good boy.

"Yes ma'am!" he says with determination. Next I feel his fingers enter me slowly, probing me. It's nowhere near as nice as having his member in there, but combined with his tongue swiftly licking my button, it's enough to make me lose my mind.

I softly moan his name. "You're so good." I'm practically purring with delight. Cullen says nothing, apparently too concentrated on his task. First, every muscle in my legs tenses. Then my button begins... itching, almost. It's not exactly the same, but it's close. And finally a small eruption of pleasure, just where my button is. The feeling increases in strength and heats my skin. It almost feels as if I'm exploding, in a good, no-guts-flying-about-the-place kind of way. I can't help it; again I close my legs around his head. It's not like I want to choke him, it just kind of happens. But luckily I once again have control over my legs when my climax dies down a little. All this time I've been holding in my breath so now I'm gasping and wheezing as if I've just run a mile at top speed.


	9. It Was the Candy That Did It

"I take it I've done well?" He sounds amused, as well as slightly out of breath. His fingers deep within me are withdrawn. I miss them already.

"That… is an understatement." My breath comes out in long, heavy sighs. The only time I felt more satisfied than this was after my first Cullen-induced orgasm. Ah, wonderful.

"I'm glad you liked it." He lies down next to me and takes me into his arms. I feel secure like this, cradled in his strong arms. This is my happy place.

"Are you still in pain?" His hands caress my back. There is still worry in his voice. No need for that.

"No. Are you sure you're not a mage? Because it seems to me you have magic in your touch."

"Quite sure." Suddenly he sounds sad. But… I was only kidding! "Lately I've been wishing I were, because then I would be free to be with you." He clutches me tightly to his chest. So tightly I can hardly breathe.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this. If you're not alright with it, then maybe…" However much I love him, making him miserable isn't worth it. Perhaps this ill-advised affair wasn't such a good idea after all. And to think, I was only looking to get some between the sheets action. But now…

"Don't say such things," he interrupts my thoughts. "I love you, and I don't want to be apart from you." Oh, that's good. It's suddenly like a heavy weight has been lifted from my heart.

"I am glad to hear that. Still, if you ever think we should end this, tell me. Immediately, alright?" I owe him at least an escape option. You know what they say… If you love someone, set them free, or something along those lines.

"Alright, although I strongly doubt that will ever happen. It's just that you deserve more than only secret meetings in the dark and pretending we hardly know one another when others are around." I've noticed that whenever he's on a roll speaking about something, he raises his voice and gestures busily with his hands. He's doing it right now, actually. At least I can breathe normally.

"I would like to take you places, maybe Denerim. Buy you things, just… Well, treat you like the treasure that you are." He sighs and stares at me in what looks like adoration. Heh, it would seem I turn him into a fawning fool as much as he does me.

I fondly stroke his cheek and smile at him. "I would like that. You know, maybe someday things will be different. Maybe someday we will be free to consort with each other, mage and templar. Sounds good, doesn't it?" Too good to be true. I doubt it will ever happen. Maybe I can take this up with our king. Heh, yeah right.

"So it does. Ah, let's not think about this anymore." Once again he wraps his arms around me and tenderly kisses me. My heart goes all aflutter.

"Tell me, how old are you?" Now's as good a time as any to ask. The subject needed changing anyway.

"Hm? Oh, I'm twenty-five. You?"

I chuckle under my breath. Time for a little joke. "I'm fourteen."

He goes rigid against me. "What?" he says slowly. I burst out laughing. It's too difficult to stay serious.

"I was just kidding. I'm twenty." My body is still shaking with laughter. Oh, I had him there.

He blows out a deep breath. "Maker! Would you stop scaring me like that? I was beginning to think I'd been ravishing a child these past few days."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I wipe away my tears and pat his head. "I hope you can forgive me."

"I might, if you would turn around for me." His voice sounds deliciously naughty again, so I immediately turn my back to him. I wonder what it is he wants to do. When I feel the tip of his member between my lips, I know. Slowly he pushes himself into me again. This is what, the third time tonight? That boy is like a thoroughbred horse. I hear they are renowned for their stamina. Being stretched out still hurts a little, but Maker's mercy, does it feel good. He cups my breasts and pulls my upper body closer to his. "I forgive you," he whispers into my ear. His skin feels hot against mine.

My mind isn't as cloudy, because this time, he's going about it more slowly and carefully. It's different, more intimate, something like that. You know, I think I might even be able to talk. "So." I clear my throat. "When did you begin liking me?"

"Heh. You're probably going to find it very silly, but it all started when you tried to give me candy. Do you remember?" I can hear a smile in his voice.

"Why yes, I was just thinking about it the other day. Hah, I never would've thought sweets could have that kind of effect on a person."

"It was because of you, silly, not the sweets. Imagine, I was standing guard dutifully and this pretty girl approaches me, innocently asking me if I would like some candy." He gives me a little kiss below the ear. "I got lost in those beautiful eyes of yours. My knees became weak, and all day I could only think of you. That hasn't changed since."

I squeal. That is just too adorable. This handsome templar looked bored then, so I thought I'd distract him. My mouth is stretching into that moronic grin again, I can just feel it. This time he can't see it though, so I'm safe.

"I love you," he mutters into my ear. His thrusts become more rapid, his hands on my breasts more demanding. He's kneading them quite firmly.

"I love you too." I'm not sure if that came out right, with me being able to only moan. Ah, who cares? Right now all that matters is my darling sending me into bliss. This must be the best feeling ever.

"I'm coming," he grunts into my ear. …What does that mean?

"Coming, where?" I must sound really stupid.

He begins laughing. It sounds strange, because his laughter is mixed with various moans and grunts. Does it mean he's experiencing an orgasm? I can feel him throbbing inside me. "You don't know what that means, do you?" he asks, still amused. His member is shrinking, his hands aren't kneading me like a lump of dough anymore.

I shrug. "I guess I do now. It means that you're climaxing, am I right?" A new word in my vocabulary. That could always come in handy.

"Yes, that's it. Smart girl." He pats my head approvingly. This gives me a warm feeling too. I've always been a sucker for praise. "We should get back soon. My duty's almost over." His voice sounds regretful. I wish we had more time too. Then again, beggars can't be choosers. We are lucky enough to have each other. I am lucky enough he can set his conscience aside enough to be with me.

"I suppose. Give me one more big hug and a kiss and then we'll go." I turn around to face him and wrap my arms around his body. Our lips meet for a kiss that seems to last very, very long. After that we quickly get dressed and I sneak back to my bed. I soon begin falling asleep with Mister Muffin cradled to my chest, feeling immensely happy and satisfied.


	10. A Friend in Need

It's time for my Harrowing. I've been lonely these past few days, with my beloved absent. Cullen's been away for a couple days. I was looking for him, but I could hardly ask anyone where he was, now could I? Not even Daniela knew where he had gone. But at least he's here now, in the Harrowing chamber. With a truly enormous sword at his back. He looks very glum. I wish I could hug him and ask him what troubles him, but I cannot. The First Enchanter is here, even knight-commander Greagoir is present. I had no idea this was such a big happening. I understand I am to go into the Fade for my final test. This should be interesting. I am very, very nervous.

* * *

I'm lying on something soft. A familiar place. A bed? Yes, my bed.

"Are you alright? Say something, please." A male voice. Sort of; kind of high-pitched. I know that voice. Hmm, my mind isn't doing too well at the moment. I open my eyes and see a familiar face. Oh yes, now I know.

"Jowan?" What would he want from me? I get up and sit on the edge of my bed.

"I'm glad you're alright. They carried you in this morning. I didn't even realize you'd been gone all night." Hah, there's more he doesn't realize. "I've heard about apprentices who never come back from Harrowings. Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?" He sounds very eager to know. So that's it. He wants information. I don't want to talk about it overmuch. They don't call it a Harrowing for nothing.

"It was... harrowing." Bah, I don't even want to think about it anymore.

"Is that why they don't tell us what it's about?" My friend wrings his hands. Apparently he is worried about something. "I know I'm not supposed to know... but we're friends. Just a little hint, and I'll stop asking, I promise!" I was instructed not to tell anyone about this, but obviously I'm not one for strictly adhering to rules.

"I had to enter the Fade." Stupid demons. Stupid Mouse. Stupid templar spirit. I hope I will never have to go through that nonsense again. Come now, I'm not even that powerful. What dumb kind of demon would want to possess me?

"Really? That's it?" Jowan sounds disappointed. Of course that's not it. We enter the Fade whenever we dream; technically it's not all that special.

"No. If a demon possesses you, you get killed."

He shrugs. "That... makes sense. They want to see if you can resist a demon and stop yourself from becoming an abomination." A dramatic gesture follows, throwing his hands into the air before folding them before his chest. I can see he's upset, but it still looks quite funny. "And now you get to move to the nice mages' quarters upstairs. I'm stuck here and I don't know when they'll call me for _my_ Harrowing." So that's his problem.

"Don't worry about it, Jowan." I don't worry about stuff like this overmuch. You get called whenever the people upstairs think you are ready.

He glares at me, arms still folded across his chest. "Easy for you to say. I've been here longer than you have... Sometimes I think they just don't want to test me."

"Why wouldn't they?" Honestly I'm not really paying attention. I can't wait to go and see my new room.

"The Tranquil never go through a Harrowing." This is serious. Tranquil scare the living daylights out of me. Those empty eyes, ieh.

"And you're afraid you will be made tranquil. Why?" I have heard rumours of Jowan maybe being a blood mage. But I asked him whether or not these rumours were true and he vehemently denied. I believe him. We are friends, surely he would tell me the truth. Then again, I've never told him of me and Cullen. Maybe I will at some point.

"Apprentices can ask to be made tranquil if they fear the Harrowing. But the Circle also forces Tranquillity on those they feel are weak." He hops from one foot to the other and fidgets about. It's cute, kind of reminds me of Cullen when he's nervous. "And sometimes they force it on apprentices they think might be too... dangerous as mages."

"So it has to do with the rumours about you. I will ask you again: are they true?" Not that I don't believe him, but groundless rumours die quite quickly, unlike these.

Again he glares at me. "No, they are not!" Fine then. Suddenly the look in his eyes softens. "You look different."

"Different, how?" I wonder what he means. Today I even have my hair up in my regular style, robes neatly closed from my ankles to my neck. Just good old Astoreth.

"You look happy, radiant even. Lately you've been all smiles, hair down, red spots on your neck..." He looks at me triumphantly. "You've found someone!"

My face feels all warm. I must be blushing fiercely. "I uhm, well..." Damn it, he's on to me.

"That's alright, I don't need to know who it is." He laughs and smacks my shoulder, sends me flying forward. There's more strength in those arms than would seem at first glance. "Sorry. Anyway, I shouldn't waste your time with his. I was supposed to tell you to see Irving as soon as you woke up." Now he pats my back. "You'd better not keep him waiting. We can speak later." And with that he waves and leaves.

Off to Irving then.


	11. How I Love My New Room

Hooray, I'm a real mage now! I don't like my new robes though. There are many colours I like. Yellow isn't one of them. Guess what colour these robes are? Ah well.

When I got to the First Enchanter's study, he and Greagoir were bickering about sending mages to some battlefield. They had a guest, Duncan, the leader of all Grey Wardens in Ferelden. Apparently there's an army of darkspawn gathering at Ostagar. It might even be a Blight, just like four centuries years ago. I had the feeling this Duncan fellow wanted to recruit me into the Wardens, although he didn't say so specifically. The Wardens do an honourable job, but I would like to stay here if possible. If I were to go, I would have to leave Cullen behind. I do not want to do that.

It's the middle of the night. I am in my new room now, lying in bed, dressed in Cullen's fragrant shirt. Sadly it's beginning to smell more of me than of him. This bed is so much fancier, and I don't have to worry about hitting my head against the top bunk. Mister Muffin has his own place on one of the pillows. Yes, that's right: multiple pillows. I do have to share with three other people; two men and another woman. The men were nice and congratulated me on passing my Harrowing. One of them told me to "get comfortable", which rather sounded as a thinly veiled invitation to get naked. I didn't accept it. Instead I began jumping on my new bed. It doesn't creak. At all. The woman is a crabby old hag. She said my success was merely luck. Even told me she hadn't expected me to survive. Bitch. I'm not very happy to be sharing a room with her.

Oh well. At least I have my own vanity with a nice, large mirror. I immediately laid out all of my cosmetics there. Finally, some space of my own.

This is odd. Someone is standing next to my bed. I hear the rustle of garments falling to the floor. Then a warm naked body slips under the covers next to me. Arms around my waist, lips on my neck.

"This had better be you, love, or someone is going to be turned into a frozen dessert tonight," I quietly threaten my guest. But when I catch his scent, I know it is him. I turn around.

"Hi," Cullen whispers to me with relief in his voice. "I'm glad your Harrowing went smoothly."

"Where have you been?" I'm so glad to be able to touch him again! I kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his hair.

"I was... out on an errand." He sounds sad. This probably means he had to hunt down some apostate mage. It also explains why he looked so gloomy earlier.

"Is that why you looked all depressed at my Harrowing?" Tightly I wrap my arms around him.

"Uhm no, not really. They picked me as the templar to strike the killing blow... if you became an abomination." He sighs. Ironic that they would choose my lover as my executioner. I have no doubts he would've done his duty. Abominations are dangerous and I know he loves me a lot, but he certainly wouldn't risk the lives of all of the occupants of the tower to save mine.

"You know, if anyone would have to put me to death, I'd want it to be you." It sounds crazy, but I mean it. He holds my heart, might as well let him take my life.

He must be staring at me in disbelief. I can hear it in his voice. "Really?"

"Hey, let's not talk about this anymore. I wasn't possessed and you didn't have to kill me." I show him the sweetest smile I can conjure, although he probably cannot see it. "I missed you a lot."

"I missed you too. I brought you something." There's a smile in his voice now. I prefer to see (or in this case hear) him happy.

"A gift? Really?" I let go of him and clap my hands together in glee.

"Yes. Give me your hand." He takes my right hand in his left. Exciting! "Hmm, I hope it fits," he mumbles. Something slips around my ring finger, a small, delicate object. If only I could see in the dark. I scramble to light the oil lamp next to my bed and take a look at my gift.

Words fail me. This ring he's given me is beautiful. An elegant silver band consisting of three interwoven vines, sprinkled with little garnets. It fits perfectly.

"I... Wow. This..." I can only open and close my mouth without any words coming out. I've never had a present this lovely.

My beloved's eyes narrow as he smiles at me. "So you like it? I'm glad."

I stare at his handsome face, illuminated by a warm glow. "Like it? I _love_ it!" I fiercely throw my arms around him and begin showering him with kisses and thank yous. These few days without him have been terrible.

"Oh but, I have no gift for you." I let him go and hang my head in shame. There's not much I can buy in here. Unless... "Perhaps you would do me the honour of wearing this?" I remove my necklace and present it to him.

"No, I couldn't. Isn't it the only thing you have left of your past?" He waves his hand in a declining gesture.

"It's not. And besides, I don't know whom it belonged to. You know it was mine. And when you wear it, I hope you will think of me often." Protests or no, I hang it around his neck anyway. Astoreth Amell does not take no for an answer.

"I... well, if you put it like that. Thank you. I appreciate it." He smiles and softly kisses me. How I've missed those lips. Suddenly he lets go of me and chuckles."Who might this be?" he asks me, Mister Muffin in his hand.

"I uhm, that's my bear. I've always had him." I can't help but blush. Hopefully he doesn't find me childish.

"So what's his name?" Cullen looks at my bears button eyes and pets his worn-out head. How adorable!

"It's... Mister Muffin." I named him when I was five. Back then I was really fond of muffins, which still shows around my waist even now.

"Aw, that's so cute. It suits him." He returns my bear to his old place on my pillow and folds me into his embrace. "I could only think of you while I was away. I'm sorry I couldn't let you know I would be gone."

"It's fine. You're here now. Why don't we make up for lost time?" Without further ado I press my lips to his and slip my tongue into his mouth. Finally, I've wanted to do this for days. Cullen doesn't want to waste time either it seems. His hands are all over me, caressing every inch of skin they can find.

Not that my arms are resting idly at my sides. I like how he got undressed before he climbed into bed with me. My hands glide down his back and give his bum a squeeze. Mmm, buns of steel, oh yes!

I detach my mouth from his and bite my lip when his fingers enter me. There are still three other people in this room; I'm sure the old hag would tell on me as soon as she got the chance. Slowly my lover moves his fingers in and out of me. I can't wait until he sticks something else up there. That something is resting against my stomach, rock-hard and pulsating. Aw, _he missed me too_!

I grip his erection at the base and stroke along its length. He draws in a sharp breath, bites back a moan. I want to feel him inside me so badly. Then he lies down on top of me, enveloping me in his warmth. His fingers have left me now. In an incredibly sexy gesture he slips them into my mouth and lets me suck them clean. It's not bad, but I still prefer to taste him on my tongue.

That's it, I can't wait any longer. I rub the tip of his member between my lips and guide him into me. Soon he takes over and slowly, slowly enters me. All is done in perfect silence, or well, almost perfect silence. There is much heavy breathing, of course. Right now, I want to scream how good he feels in me, how much I've missed him, that he should get into me a bit quicker. But I should keep quiet, lest we are caught with our pants down.

And then he is inside of me all the way. For a moment he stays still, locking eyes with me. His eyes are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen; a deep brown, framed with long, thick lashes. I could just drown in those eyes. When he smiles, they could light up an entire room.

"What are you smiling so sweetly about?" he asks me curiously.

"It's just what staring into the eyes of the most beautiful creature I've ever seen does to me," I whisper back. He smiles and his blushing cheeks become even redder. Still he doesn't realize just how beautiful he is. I caress his face. "Hey, Cullen?" Whenever we are together, I should tell him. We can never know how long our time together will last, if there will be another time.

"Yes, my love?" The way he speaks, gently strokes his fingers through my hair, the loving look in his eyes, the sweet smile curving his lips, they make me weak in the knees.

"I love you more than anything in this world." I've said it before, but now it's a bit awkward somehow. "Uhm, just thought I'd let you know."

He laughs briefly. Yes, I realize that wasn't the most romantic way of saying it. "I feel the same. I love you more than anything." He closes his eyes and bends down to kiss me. My eyes close as well when our lips touch. I am so happy right now. I mean, I have a new room with more privacy, my Harrowing is over and done with, I just got a beautiful gift and now I'm lying here in bed with my beloved, snug as a bug in a rug. I doubt it could get any better.

But as he begins moving in me, it does get better. My back arches on its own. It takes me all of my willpower not to cry out. I wrap my legs around his waist, revelling in his warmth, his smell, the pleasure he causes thrusting into me and kissing me. His rhythm is slow and steady.

He just keeps on going, and going, and going… All I can do is rest my head against my pillow and try my hardest not to shout. Danny was right. This is wonderful and frustrating at the same time; feeling all this pleasure and not being able to scream it out. Meanwhile my hands are wandering all over his torso, running my fingers down his spine, caressing his shoulder blades, making a mess of his ridiculously soft hair.

His breathing is ragged against my ear; sometimes a very, very low moan escapes him. Poor thing's having a hard time too. It feels as if we've been making love for hours in this slow, steady rhythm. I'm so glad this bed is silent. Suddenly his grip on me tightens. "I'm sorry. I… I have to come," he pants into my ear.

"Don't you ever apologize for that." I smile and look into his half-closed eyes. This fascinates me every time, watching his face as he achieves orgasm. His mouth opens in a soundless scream, eyes clenched shut. I cover his face with little kisses and stroke the hair at the nape of his neck while he throbs inside me.

After a while he collapses onto me. This time I don't mind feeling his weight on me though. I kind of enjoy being trapped like this, my legs still encircling his waist. A big silly grin appears on my face, wide enough to split it in two. I feel happy, and content to be with my beloved right now.

"You are an amazing lover." I cannot say this too often. He makes me squirm under his touch every time.

"Thank you." He sounds tired, a lazy smile on his face. "May I spend the night here with you?" Aw, he sounds ready to fall asleep. How could I deny a request put like this?

"Of course, love, whatever you want." I smile at him and kiss his lips. With a happy sigh he comes to lie down next to me. I snuggle up to him, resting my head upon his chest. I can feel his slow, powerful heartbeat against my cheek. Cullen takes me in his arms and leans his head against mine.

"Cullen?" I softly whisper.

"Hmmm?" From the sound of that I can tell he is well on his way to falling asleep.

It might be considered overkill, but I cannot hide my feelings. "I love you."

"I… love you… too." He speaks slowly, clearly losing focus. One more content sigh and his entire body relaxes. My darling is asleep. I look up at him and see he is still smiling, even now. Such a lovely sight, especially with everything bathed in the glow of the oil lamp. I place my right hand on his chest to look at the ring he's given me. It is such a beautiful thing. He has good taste.

Once again I stare at his handsome face. How did I get so lucky? If I were to get any happier, my heart would probably explode. I snuff out the light of the oil lamp, enfolding the room in darkness once again. Maker's breath, I just love my Cullen so much. Hopefully I can hold on to this feeling forever. I intend to cling to it for as long as I can. It's becoming more and more difficult to focus. His heartbeat in my ear… such an entrancing rhythm. His body is warm and soft, his delicious scent fills my nose. Sleepy. Comfortable. Warm. Safe. Perfect.

* * *

_This concludes Astoreth's mage origins, thank you for reading. If you wish to read a bit more of her adventures, there are more parts to this series. _


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